Run away with me to LONDON.

Friday, May 25, 2007;

12:58 PM

i cried in the lrt on the way home.
and up to now, im still crying as im typing this post.
in the background, GREATER IS HE - CCC OXFORD FALLS playing.

i was in school today when my sister called me and started screaming. just then, i was talking to my teacher about the upcoming competition. my sister demanded to know why i had worn her skechers shoes & spoilt the sole of the shoe. i was shocked. she kept screaming into the receiver, and my teacher was "kezia! can you pay attention?" i hung up the call but my sister just kept calling & calling. i couldnt get a chance to answer to call.
then, i got a text message from her.
it was hurting. it was a really really hurting message.
i really felt like crying there, right infront of my classmates and teacher.
"i hate you! you wore my shoes to your emerge competition and didnt ask for my permission. you dirtied it! you liar and cheat! you shouldnt have won that silver medal at all! i hate you! you liar! still dont want to admit! now i got no shoes to wear for my napfa!"
i didnt wear her shoes at all. in fact, i wore my brown shoes and even borrowed my friend's shoes for my track events. JOLINA KNOWS. she was the girl i borrowed the shoes from. i cannot believe my sister could say something like this. she's suppose to be the sister. she's suppose to take care of me.
"you still dont want to admit?! i hate you! im going to lock the door and not let you in! i make sure you cannot come in! serve you right! you are going to pay for what you did to me! you torment me! and im going to take your Nike shoes because you took mine!"
at this time, i was in the lrt. i started tearing up. how could she take the Nike shoes my mom bought for me just 2 days ago? i scared of what she will do to it. i really really scared. its my mom's hard earned money and if she spoils it in any way, i dunno what i will do. seriously. i was hurt that she didnt believe me, i was hurt that she could say this to me.
i reached home to find the door locked. i slotted my key in and turning. it wouldnt budge. this time i really cried, with huge sniffling sobs.
"why did you really lock me out?"
"i already said what i want to say. i already told you. you ask yourself, why do you like to torment me all the time? im already feeling extremely griefed. yesterday instead of waiting for me, you made a din. you're not even helpful as a sister. and just to let you know, i DID TAKE YOUR SHOES! im not going to fail because of you! so you're paying for it."
i just kept crying and crying and crying outside my door.
the incident yesterday was the time i lost faith on my sister.
i was at expo. my cell group is going to be at my house today for cg and i will not be home. my cg will still be using my house. dorigo came down to expo. i was suppose to pass him the duplicates of the keys to my house. i realised i brought the wrong keys, so i passed him mine. practice ended, and i asked tingting if i could go her house till my sister came back home cos i have no keys. she said yes. i called my sister. she didnt want me to go tingting's house, she asked me to go oschool instead and wait for her till she finished dance. i said okay. i reached oschool half an hour later and walked in. i felt strange and alone in oschool. i waited 15 minutes before my sister came out for a break. she asked me to wait until she finished (which would be 50 mins later) i told her i didnt want to and i wanted to go my fren's house. she got agitated.
"what do you want now! cant you even wait, it'll only take a short time. then you just do whatever you want la! i dont care! you go home lor!"
and then she walked off. i started to cry because i felt alone, and the only person that was suppose to take care of me just walked away. i stood up and left oschool. i cried all the way as i walked back to city hall mrt. she disappointed me.
i tried to open the door again. i turned the lock numerous times. still wouldnt open. i started praying to God, half-crying.
God, you said you will never leave me nor forsake me. i want to believe. i want to have faith in you that you will help me. i know you will be here with me no matter what happens. no longer will i doubt you , oh Lord.
i pulled hard at the door and turned the lock. it clicked, and i immediately started turning and FINALLY opened the door. i never felt so relieved in my entire life. i was crying when i said that prayer and as i turned to lock.
Thank you, Lord! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
i was jumping and crying and shouting thank you. i was so, so, so relieved.
i just remembered what dad said to me before he went off.
"kezia, if you have any problems, just pray to God."
thanks dad (:

i cannot believe that my sister would do this to me.
im really disappointed in her. i thought she would be a great person that could take care of me.
i guess im wrong.

My Refuge
My Shelter
My Healer
and Rest
Almighty Redeemer
Salvation
and Strenght...

xoxo, k.