Monday, June 11, 2007;
6:13 PM
i am feeling cantankerous and grouchy.
OMG. you know what? why did i even bother to clean up my room when that new table&cupboard set wasnt even gonna be mine?
"whoever that cleans up her room first will get the set. if not, its mine." well, thanks loads MOM. i wouldnt have even tried to clean it up in the first place if you said that. and in the beginning you said IT WAS MINE. ROOM MAKEOVER? a complete flop. my older sister didnt even help. and now
the whole set belongs to her. and she said that
I left her behind at expo. SORRY, if you dont want to accept "
handphone no batt" as an answer than why bother to ask me why i didnt wait for you a second time? okay, i'll give you a better answer then:
I HAD TO ACCOMPANY MY FRIEND HOME, AND YOU ALWAYS SPEND A EFFING LONG TIME AT EXPO TILL I GET BORED COS I DONT KNOW ANY OF YOUR DANCE FRIENDS. want another reason? because you scolded me infront of puiman at expo foodcourt and my friend was saying to me, "why your sister like that one?"
YES, EVEN I WANT TO KNOW HER ANSWER.to think that when i was cleaning up my room in the morning, MOM had the nerve to sit on the floor and stone. creating more exasperation.
WHO ISNT ANGRY AT ANYONE, i ask you. >:( be a good example then. i felt so pissed when she just sat there and expected ME to do the work. c'mon, i have homework to do online. i have my monologue to write. and yet, she bans me from using the computer. THANKS ALOT MOM.
REALLY. you just made my day. why say that i can only use the computer when you do not need it, and then go back on your word and say NO to evry chance i had to go online?
IF YOU'RE BIAS THEN JUST SAY SO ALREADY.
you confessed once you actually favourite my sister over me, is that what you're doing again? when you love me, you never snap back at me. when you dont, you yell and complain why cant i be more like BIGSISTER. im sorry to say that i actually have more responsibility than HER. you never knew that during the time you went overseas, who suffered the most?
ME. who cried the most abt everything that was going around her?
ME. who had to wash the clothes and cook?
ME. what did theresayeechunli do? NOTHING, except to buy yogurt, oh and
LOCK ME OUT OF THE HOUSE. did you know that? i
bet you dont. you claim i dont know how you feel. did you actually step back and thought about how i feel and that im still trying to put my shoes in YOUR shoes? you, bigsister.. always wants me to do things for you till you take me for granted. and you guys still have the CHEEK to say i'm not helping enough. there are a thousand things i've done for you. and i can still name them. you talked to dad this morning like a 15-year-old shouting back when her mom scolds her. did you even stop to think how he would have felt when you said that? why cant you just love me for who i am? when you're angry at me, you talk to big sister like "oh, you're my favourite child. i love you so." and to me you ACTUALLY SAID, "you're like HELL, you know that! HELL." yes, MOM you said that to me. you have nonononoNO idea how much it has hurt me. xiuzhen once said to me, be nice to your mom. it isnt easy to raise up a child. i have been nice, yes i can honestly say that. im
15YEARSOLD. and already you're treating me like crap. ohhhh, you need to do this, you need to do that. spending time with me? oh, "not that important" you say.
its a good thing i didnt retaliate as much as i wanted. to yell back at her 'till she CRYCRYCRY. yes, i can be that horrible to the extent i sprew vulgarities like nobody's business, but I wont. not the old kezia method. IM NOT GONNA DO THAT DESPICABLE METHOD. i made a promise to God that day when Pst Kong preached about
Spirit of Meekness. that sermon was of the lessons that touched me the most. im not gonna let anythng get into me. no more retaliation and i will watch what i say. i'm trying to be someone God wants me to be and its not easy to go thru it day by day. everyday, the devil will test me on certain things im weak at. and mom and sis are just adding on to it.
sometimes i cant help but wish mom would stay overseas and dont come back. despicable and downright lowly, but im squeezing these thoughts out of my head.
im totally looking forward to the day ku-jie gives me a laptop. and i want to
escape from this house.
so this is how gen truely feels too.
xoxo, k.
