Saturday, August 04, 2007;
1:31 PM
today wasnt a really good day.
but maybe that's just me being complacent. (i slain you, carnal flesh!)
woke up late today and ended up reaching school at 845am.
ez-link card got confiscated by the security guy and given to MR SNG.
like, omgggg. of all people!
had biology at 9am, but the rest of the class came late.
ended up having class at 930am. half an hour whirled away.
at 10am, had an emath test.
arrived 10 minutes late to class cos i had to edit the english essay for mr wee's lesson.
ended up not completing my test. few questions were incomplete.
mr wee commented that the essay i wrote on LOVE was not good enough.
i was absolutely shattered.
shocked.
many emotions running around.
i never had a bad comment on essay-writing in my entire sec 3 life.
and to top it off, i did that essay till 1am in the morning.
ended up getting to school late.
went through A LOT (and i mean A LOT.) trouble just to get that blue card back.
saw mrs chua, ms ang, mr yap (vice-principal), mr ranjit, and mr sng.
irritating. wasted my time.
and liling still throwing daggers with her eyes.
obviously hating me i guess.
and she claims its all my fault.
did pointless stuff in guides.
frisbee and captain's ball.OMggg can.
and drama ministry STILL hasnt called me.
am i really so stupid?
or unbelievably dumb and bimbotic?
being complacent all the time?
complaining about any little thing people tried so hard to make enjoyable?
sprewing nonsense?
is acting like im loved by everyone really gonna work?
will pleasing others be something i work so hard for?
are my opinions better off unsaid?
should i keep to myself and act everything's okay?
maybe i should breakdown and cry?
maybe im thinking too much.
too negative.
too pessimistic.
too much worries.
too inconsiderate, no-good, carnal flesh kezia.
NO. I AM GOING TO PUSH THEM AWAY.
NO MORE COMPLAINS.
no more thinking or saying bad stuff about others.
no more having urges to scream at people.
no more desiring the material things.
no more.
no more.
im making a stand.
im gonna try to get along, without complains, judgemental feelings, insensitivity to others.
im gonna lean on You, God.
dirty feeling, GO AWAY RIGHT NOW.
i cant believe i actually forget how God has brought me through my troubles.
haha :D
i will not be someone who wont glorify God!
I WILL TRY MY BEST!
(even if i have to cry(: my tears will not be in vain right?)
(:
im not ashamed of myself.i will raise to a even greater level like never before (:i do not need to worry.He is surely there to help me in times of need (:
aiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. i worry so much for what x)
xoxo, k.
