Wednesday, November 05, 2008;
12:55 PM
For all things work out for the good of those who love God and His purpose.
3 more ScMCQs prs and 3 CLB prs more to go before the O levels are officially over! :) I believe I can score really well!
I didn't really feel like studying for the remaining prs (I know laziness is a sin, I want to change it too) so I've decided to read my past blog posts. I actually started reading from April 2007, and as I read I realised how much I've changed over this one and a half year. I didn't change for the better, I actually became worse. Yes, I know that I've learnt a lot more from the Word Of God, I've become someone who knows the importance of loving my cell group members as well as growth and fruitfulness. But in my attitude I've become somewhat more short-tempered, more whiny, more of a 'do this, do that' kind of person, going through cell group and service as though its a
duty to do so. But i realised (when I was talking to gabby) that wanting to be the Me in the past (who is more spiritual, more trusting, happier, delighted to do the things of the Lord willingly) was never going to happen if I don't change. Without realising it, I've slowly begun to be someone that does things for the sake of doing it, relying on my own strength and feeling miserable all the time.
I wanted to talk to people about this... But it always seemed like they were busy with all their other stuff, like school, exams, etcetc. I've begun to keep things bottled inside of me and have that cheerful outlook but inside I'm all messed up. I don't like having to smile and be all friendly when I don't feel like it. AKA to do something I'm not willing. I want to be willing to serve and to pray and to read my bible, not just doing it out of a duty, but becos I love to do it. Honestly, I've never thought I would go through this. You know... spiritual and all that stuff. But I'm imperfect as well, and I will have my times when I go through the valleys. But as Psalms 23 says,
I will trust in Him, His rod and staff will comfort me.
There's lots of stuff I have to change within me, and slowly, I will lean more on God's strength and change for the better and be someone I am proud of. I think that, if I just believe in God regardless what the situation is, everything other problem I'm facing will be overcomed. Instead of getting hung up on the little problems, wouldn't it be better if I place everything in God's hands?
I decided to end off this post by posting something I found while reading the older posts! (May 07? lol, postspostposts)
My previous leader said to me once:
You are the best dramatist in our cg. Never let what other people think affect your life with God. Never let negative thoughts enter your mind. When you do, you'll start to feel worthless. Who cares what other people think? It only matters what God thinks. And God is happy when you serve him. And I can truely see that you are on fire for drama, and for this cell group.Instantly, I remembered what pst kong said in the saturday service. God looks at the inside, not the outside. For the Kingdom of God is a Kingdom of attitude. I was so tired of asking "God, help me, help me," that I decided to go beyond! To ask Jesus "What can I do for You?" instead of always asking for help. Yesterday's svc really lifted me up and spurred me to rise up to an even greater level of spiritual maturity (:
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So... What can I do for You today, God? :)
xoxo, k.
