Friday, January 23, 2009;
10:42 PM
Sometimes I feel that when something is gone... it'll be out of my grasp forever. And then I'll start crying.
I'm actually very fearful of certain things, like parting of ways or separation or rejection. I don't mean those kind of BGR breakups, but minor things. Like maybe not having eye contact when talking, or when your body actions state that you're upset with me. I could just see (my friend claimed I was sensitive... in a good way) and able to tell whenever a person is unhappy or disappointed, uncaring or unwilling. It hurts.
But even myself... I've hurt others and never considered their position, or even stood in their shoes. All I was concerned about was how *I* feel. Who am I to be called a friend? Who am I to be called someone that cares? Who am I that people have to give respect to? I'm just an ordinary person like everyone. I make mistakes and care too much on them. I'm not perfect but I try to be and it kills me.
If I had a million sorrys I would say it all to make it alright again...
I wish Mag was here. As well as... a certain friend whom would not probably bother about me now regardless of what I say. Maybe I'm just thinking the worst of everything now, that nothing could work out and everything will be in a mess...
(edit @ 12:14am) Actually, yeah I do have a bad habit of thinking the worst of everything and in the end it turns out okay. I'm relieved :)
xoxo, k.
