Thursday, April 30, 2009;
11:57 PM
HAHA I PASSED MY DRAWING FUNDAMENTALS AGAIN LOL. Even though my cylinder was kinda out of shape... but today's drawing class was loads better :)
Mervin bought gummy bears for me this morning! So nice la can... I wanted to go down to Vivocity ytd after school to get those gummy bears they sell at Candy Empire in a bottle 'cos it really looks real cute, but left school reeeeally late yesterday night and was too tired to go down. Watched Code Geass (thanks ah wayne HAHA) till 2am in the morning and woke up late for Animation class today.
And today it JUST had to rain... making the floors super slippery and causing me to slip infront of 2481294821394321 other NYP students walking to school ): So embarrassing la. I had to hide my face and run to my block! And then when I reached, I FOUND OUT THERE WAS NO CLASS WTPINK.
But ok la, we all spent time crapping and singing and making fun of a certain poor dude in my class till lunchtime~ And during our break after drawing fund. class we went down to Koufu for teatime meal LOL. Amanda and I started competing on who can eat a piece of sushi with the most wasabi! Wah it was craziness... my nose felt like it was going to drop off any moment. BUT DANG SHIOCK LA. HAHAHA. omg so singaporean. We ended up in a draw :) Shall have a real match at Sakae Sushi soooooooon HURHUR.
Tmr's cg and I really have to get my assignments done man :/ It's all either halfway finished or not at all. Dang dang dang...
xoxo, k.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009;
11:45 PM
People will probably be bored reading and re-reading me rant about how tired I am and how crazy life is when you're rushing for projects so I won't do that today! Hahahaha
I feel like I'm neglecting my blog after not posting for 2 days -_- Why do I feel bad most of the time and think that everything is my fault? I think I'm to nice... I want to be eeeeeevil and mean and scary! Although I think it'll be an epic fail if I ever was emo and depressed lol.
Today was the usual, class lunch free break and then some wacom design class :) We used photoshop! (MAG omg it's seriously a whole new way of exploring photoshop man... not just editing photos and doing songsheet xD you'll love it) So every senior in Animation was doing until so pro like that, colour theory etc etc ENVIOUS MAN. And it's really proness... while I can only do sketchy drawings of Morpheus from The Matrix :)
I think I have a bad habit of making things look slimmer than they actually are... This doesn't look like Morpheus at ALL. Okay but cover the head and look at the suit! I think quite nice LAH. First time sketching on a wacom tablet and not on paper lol. I think its really cool.
Okay so I am swamped with assignments (what's new) and I'm not surprised that its wednesday and the teachers gave one assignment each per day. So like, we have a new assignment everyday what the pink. I need my social life back!! WHERE'S LEE CHAN BAI CARLOS AND ALLY WE'RE SUPPOSED TO GO OUT PEOPLE!
Yes today was an extremely entertaining day as I OBSERVED people (ahaha daphne's like an open book) and found out a bit of info from Betty about you-know-who and you-know-what :D
Oh and Wayne's teeth is actually really sharp and strong like an eeeeevil monster that doesn't laugh at my jokes! Mervin had the whole O_OOMGZZXXX look on his face. AHAHAHA. Ah so random.
OH YES I FORGOT TO SAY BUT I PASSED MY LIVE DRAWING IN DRAWING FUNDAMENTALS HAHAHAHA. I was really so so so happy when I saw the 'P' on the class list seriously. I thought I would end up failing every module (after that Fird FLIRT disaster) but oh thank God. Although my cylinder, squares and triangles was a serious failure :/ But there's always tmr when we have drawing fund :) I have to remind myself not to cry if I failed again can. Aiya.
Anyway. I think I should say this to chan ally bai lydia and taytay and see if they're actually reading my blog like they should HAHAHAHA. HELLO YOU ALL. I AM NOW KNOWN AS THE LAME ONE IN CLASS. NO MORE BIMBO AND EGO!!! :) like being promoted la. SO WHEN ARE WE MEETING?!
HAHA. Not bad all caps. Eheheh. Okay bed sleep it's close to 1am (even though I'm changing to posting time to 11:45pm lol) SEE YOU! DONT FALL OFF YOUR BED. HAHA.
xoxo, k.
Monday, April 27, 2009;
11:43 PM
I think my Mom knew I didn't feel all good and happy when I came back home so she went to buy sushi for me!! HAHAHA so nice right :)
I think everyone's gonna come flocking to my blog to see what I'm gonna say about what happened in Design Fundamentals this afternoon lol. I'm still thinking if I should :/
Ahhh okay anyway. Design fundamentals today wasn't a total rubbish (although I like to think of it as so), at least I learnt something... two annoying creatures must be put together and created in such a way that nobody freaking knows what it was originally like. Which is total crass to me, but whatever. So I didn't do my 10 panels of Fird properly, I rushed through it in the entire night and slept at 2am, sketched messily and didn't meet the requirements the teacher wanted.
SO WHAT?
I don't get what's the big idea in crying over it or making up excuses like 'oh I had church'. BIG DEAL. I bet everyone else had something else on and yet they still finished... and aced the whole assignment. Sure, it stings pretty hard to have your work called as 'utter rubbish' and 'sloppy' infront of everyone but that's just how DMD Animation is like. At least that's what I tell myself. So I didn't lived up to perfection and fallen short of the bullseye in the dartboard... life goes on. I just gotta move on with it, do better the next time round and prioritize my time.
Okay maybe this is just me being hard and harsh on myself. But I kept telling myself on the way back home in the mrt that crying wouldn't change anything anyway. What do I hope to achieve if I cried - sympathy or comfort from the people around me? I don't want those. I don't need people looking at me with pitied eyes. But don't get me wrong... It's not that I don't appreciate it, I do appreciate those who talked back to the teacher on my behalf, those awesome classmates of mine that stood up for me :) But sometimes its tough to see the look in peoples' eyes.
Besides... it's my fault anyway. For not being creative enough or putting as much effort as the teacher had wanted me to. Sure, I put in effort. If I didn't I wouldn't even bother to skip my lunch to get my research printed at the school bookshop. Or stayed up till 2am even though I'm dead beat and sick. But apparently MY effort wasn't good enough. So too bad then, you learn and you learn well.
So right, I'm not perfect and I was really annoyed and upset and felt like strangling someone just now, but I also do know that it wouldn't change my circumstances so I'll just swallow everything down and not cuss or swear at the teacher :) Life goes on... just move along with it LAH.
Tyvm Mag for listening to my rants on MSN :) Although I was crying half of the time. Hahaha
But I am really much better now, today's incident was just a stepping stone for me to strive to be a more creative and hardworking person! :)
Okay well yes. Now that today's all done and over with, I shall look forward for tmr being a much better day and hopefully my day will be filled with beds of roses, lame jokes and off tune singing! :D Am off for bed, it's been a tiring day so see ya!
xoxo, k.
Friday, April 24, 2009;
11:59 PM
One of the questions of my first assignment was your impression of others first impression of you, and I drew this :/ It was meant to be funny and witty but my lecturers face looked extremely expressionless when I presented it so... like omg okay nvm. I went like "I think my classmates think I'm lame because apparently to them I can't tell funny jokes." And then I got blank stares from the lecturers... so I quickly continued and said "Er yeah, lame leg, lame man. Okay next slide." Gahhh
4 days on putting my soul into this and having sleepless nights for the past 2 days, my fever seemed to come back with a vengence. I had to leave early after my presentation to get back home and SLEEP. My whole immune system is screwed up :/ there are lots and lots and lots of times I wish I could get rid of headaches and the annoying cough and the nose that never seem to stop running. I NEED MY HEALTH BACK! BREATHING EATING SINGING LAUGHING
Today's presentation was... hahaha okay let's not talk about that, it's OVERRRRR!
Comm skills today was real fun :) Ms Jeri was the total cool shitzzzzzxx man. Never enjoyed myself so much before. Hurhur. We had to introduce ourselves (for some they had to introduce their partners) and I ended up singing the Cadbury song infront of everyone lol. BETTY IS A RIFLE LOL. I find that extremely hilarious. HAHAHA.
Okay I'm OFF FOR BEDDDDD, tmr's gonna be a busy day with 2 new assignments to finish up by monday morning and school likes to suck me dry so... see you all around whenever I feel like blogging :)
xoxo, k.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009;
10:56 PM
One of my pictures for free expression panel 19! Yes I can't sketch for nuts but I can try :)
I really want a DSLR soon soon soon :)
Okay school was okayish today, I finally slept in one of the classes 'cos I was so freaking tired staying up doing the assignment. But I got the gist of the lesson at the end of the day ANYWAY, so heck it. xD Haven't fallen asleep in any lecture yet so I'm still going strong~ (But I seriously think it's only a matter of time and my lecturer's monotonous voice that will shut me off :/) You won't even get into the lecture hall if you're 10 minutes late! And my morning lectures start at 8am dang. Absolute craziness.
Amanda was so funny, she was late 'cos she was stopped by the mrt dude who thought she was a TERRORIST LOL. She carried a really terrorist-like black Adidas bag, and I was thinking 'omg how can a terrorist afford Adidas lol. They'll probably spent every cent they have on bombs.' And Hadi LOL. My class has a thing for being right on time or being late... well 'cept for a certain person who mass sends text messages every morning. -_-
Speaking of text messages in the morning... I got so annoyed this morning when I received as what I perceived as an extremely sarcastic text message while sleeping in the train. I found out that apparently 9 other people had it too lol. And they were complaining all about it. Like what the pink I got so pissed that I actually replied and said 'what the hell its SEVEN FREAKING THIRTY' :D Ah whatever, I get real cranky when I don't have enough sleep so pffffft.
Yes ok I have to get back to doing that assignment so shall blog again... soon x) hurhurhur.
xoxo, k.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009;
11:53 PM
Wanted to blog while giving myself a break from my homework lol.
Poly has officially started (no more holidays lol) and it's been pretty fun and hectic for the past 2 days :) DMD Animation is a really cool course despite the huge assignment that was given on the first day lol. We had a 3hour drawing session today where we drew a live model of a lady lying on the bed which was awwwesome :) And I was right when I told the rest that Ariel WAS A GUY HAHAHAHA.
Okay well 20 panels + mounting + presentation preparations to be done by friday so won't be updating for a while :) ok right that's done then, now back to the assignment!
xoxo, k.
Monday, April 20, 2009;
11:24 PM
Beneath the surface of a name called
Family is nothing but an empty shell.
I don't want something like that at all.
I have to laugh right? I have to smile right? I have to be perfect in all conduct, speech and mannerisms right? I have to be a role model right? I have to put everyone else first before me right? I have to be strong right? I have to be the one that holds together right? I can't show my own emotions out right?
That's right.
xoxo, k.
Friday, April 17, 2009;
11:48 PM
I don't know if it's just my stomach not agreeing with me, or me not having the appetite to eat, or me just feeling nauseous, or me wanting to throw up, or there's something wrong with my body. My stomach muscles hurt from all the coughing and sneezing.
On a better note, my fever finally broke and I'm feeling much much better :) No more above 38degrees temperatures!
Rachel talked about the 3 stages of christian growth today: baby, young adult, and the mature members. What struck me the most about what she talked about was that sometimes whenever the younger members argue with the older and mature members about something extremely childish and irrational, its the younger members that win the arguement.
It is NOT because the younger member had justified his point, but rather the younger member won because the mature members give in to him as they can see that the arguement is just too stupid and childish to even quarrel over - something that the younger member CANNOT see.
So next time when you're quarreling over a small situation, take a step back, look at your actions, and then decide what your next step will be. Every decision will have it's consequence.
And don't worry Jeyun... :) Even though you feel like you've been lied to and cheated lots of time, don't be upset k! This just shows that you have a trusting heart of a child... and God says in His word that a child-like heart has child-like faith, and we all need that kind of faith! :) So don't worry (I won't lie to you ok hurhur) and let's go out for a movie and go chill out one day <3
xoxo, k.
Thursday, April 16, 2009;
10:09 PM
After 20ML of cough syrup, 10 panadols, 3 flu pills, 2 vitagens, 11 cups of barley and lots and lots of hot water and prayer...
my fever dropped from 39.6 to 37.7degrees :} One more day and I'm pretty sure I'll be okay! YAY
xoxo, k.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009;
4:56 PM
Outings with DA02 were awwwwwwesome :) I think I'm really getting stuck on Guna's whole awwwwesome word lol.
Went out with 3/4 of the class to Art Friend on monday afternoon to get our stuff for school next monday! I never thought I would actually have to spend so much on art materials :/ My savings are being drained away! But oh well. We all got lost when we tried to find the Straits Commercial Art Co. where we were supposed to get our blue pencils... but thank God I called Daphne and she knew how to get there :)
Went to catch Fast and Furious 4 at Iluma (can you believe it, I've never even been there before... although I heard David Archuleta was performing there last wk or smth. Bet all the fangirls were screaming their lungs out eeeish) and it was so cold in the theatre! The exit was like a huge maze, took forever to get out. I guess on the whole the movie was kinda okay... I totally loved the flip GPRS cell phone lookalike! Gah I want something like that one day :D
Headed down to LJS for dinner, but I didn't get anything 'cos the popcorn filled my stomach up during the movie lol. Betty, Amanda, Lynn and I started talking about the horror shows or movies we've watched before and the haunted house at Escape. Hahaha and then Betty started telling us about the thai movie The Shutter... and one of the scenes showed the ghost sitting on the person's shoulder! Which was seriously scary can. I never want to watch horror movies... think I'll just freak myself out in the theatre LOL.
Went to PRP yesterday with the three girls, Kaiyang, and our OGLs Crystal and Jason :) The other guys backed out and Amanda was pretty pissed at them PMSing LOL. But it was really funnnn 'cos we stopped by the pony farm on our way to PRP... I didn't know there was such a place lol. The horsies smeeeeeelllll but they were pretty cute :D After touching looking staring at the small ponies and the white horse (and Betty was dreaming of a bai ma wang zi hahaha), we headed to the park to play with the swings and saucer-like thing that made we dizzy like nuts. Hahaha and then we climbed the small pyramid, its too bad they tore down the big one ):
Got to the rooftop of the carpark to fly my kiteeeeeeee :) Spot the kite in the picture at the top of the post! It's so tiny lol. In the end my string got tangled up and now its just one big knot. Roarrr its terrible to unknot everything and I'm seriously contemplating on getting a new rail of string. Had Macs for dinner (all the fast food is killing me) and then we were all guessing the answers for the LENG XIAO HUA. Cold jokes lol. My hanyu pinyin sucks. And Amanda takes CLB tooooo HAHAHAH FRIEND!
Left Pasir Ris at 10pm and had to take the long mrt ride home ): Although the train went pretty fast, I think the mrt driver wanted to get home early tooo. Hahhaha~ but thanks to those who texted me lol. I sent everyone a mooooo sms and they were like LOL KEZIA. WHY MOO. But Yunnnn totally knows the happy thing that happened on the ride home right ^^ HAHAHA.
Okay TODAY! Whew it's a really long post. K anyway. Woke up this morning with a terrible sore throat and fever. I kinda panicked 'cos next week school reopens and I can't afford to skip the first day of school :/ And whenever I catch a fever I'll be sick for a wk or so. (which totally sucks) But thanks to everyone who said get well soon to meeee. It's really nice of you all :)
Gahhh my nose is leaking like a tap! I hope dinner tonight is good :) Ah lol that was so random.
Okay I'm off to drink more hot water and hope my white blood cells engulfs the bacteria and kiiiiiiill them. Hahaha okay bio much. Phagocytes Lymphocytes roar okay see you all around~
xoxo, k.
Monday, April 13, 2009;
12:01 AM
When life sucks, roar REALLY LOUDLY at it!
& then wish you'll get whisked off to Narnia :)
It suddenly dawned to me (or was the Holy Spirit bringing me back to remembrance...?) that I should really be thankful. So here's a list of things I'm thankful of from January to today!
I'm thankful for the 5 month long holiday.
I'm thankful for my A1 in English.
I'm thankful of the A2 in Humanities!
I'm thankful I've gotten into NYP'S DMD Animation...
which is THE best in s'pore :)
I'm thankful for meeting DA02!
I'm thankful for not being in Easter Productions this year...
I brought 3 friends to Christ!
I'm thankful I have really fab cg members like...
Yunny Maggie Franfran Yingzzz2 etcetc :)
I'm thankful for the new clothes Mom got for me.
I'm thankful I had time to fly my kite.
I'm thankful Jeyun prepared sandwiches xD
I'm thankful for the Starbucks treat!
I'm thankful for a lot more other stuff... and
I'm really thankful for a great God :)
And now I feel life's great :) It might not be a bed of roses, but it certainly has enough roses for me to be happy!
xoxo, k.
Sunday, April 12, 2009;
9:31 PM
Switchfoot's Meant To Live is now on repeat in my Windows Media Player... yes I am currently feeling depressed and burdened with all the journalism passion draw write animation work crap now :) Life sucks innit, but it just goes on. My only consolation is that probably one day I'll end up doing all those japanese anime I love. My dad offered to pay for my O level Bio paper if I ever wanted to retake (I never thought I'd ever retake omg wtp) but I missed the deadline for this year. So that's another consolation prize added to my list - A B3 for Bio and a chance to get into SP's Creative Writing for TV and New Media. Or maybe mug my ass off at a JC.
Okay all the gloom and doom and whinings aside, I'm actually kinda excited for school. Not because of Animation (oh thank heavens no) but 'cause of the pretty cool people I've met in DA02 :) So maybe life will be pretty much okay. And yes I'm just really trying to reassure myself and stay upbeat and postive.
And Seelan just gave me what I needed the most lol.
kez {: says:
haha
INSANe .chelsea; eyes closed-its suicide says:
haha. and you're always awesome!
INSANe .chelsea; eyes closed-its suicide says:
always!
2009 has been an irritating year so far with my life going up and then down and then up and down down down again... but I wouldn't say everything is crappy. Just that the crappy stuff are more than the nice things. Okay wait I'm complaining again :/ Okay I'm switching to Relient K's songs, they sound nicer and happier. Hahahaha
Easter was fab! Didn't manage to catch the last show due to the fact Yun Jas and I were out shopping for clothes and I totally blew $30 on 3 junk food tees ): Heard the clubbing scene was extremely funny though xD But well I'm glad I could talk normally with my ogl even though she's 2 years older... was so nervous abt inviting her today (or rather she asking me) but it went well in the end :) PTL~
Now I must really get a move on doing more sketches before school starts... and have a good night sleep. See ya around :)
xoxo, k.
Saturday, April 11, 2009;
10:55 PM
You know when I said I knew little about love, that wasn't true. I know a lot about love, I've seen it, seen centuries and centuries of it. It was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars, pain and lies, hate made me want to turn away and never look down again. But to see the way that mankind loves... you could search the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional, but i also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable... and strangely easy to mistake for loathing. So what I'm trying to say Tristian, is... I think I love you. My heart... it feels like my chest could barely contain it. Like it doesn't belong to me anymore, it belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange. No gifts, no goods, no demonstrations in devotions, nothing but knowing you love me too. Just your heart... in exchange of mine.
- Yvaine in Stardust (Movie)
I've started reading the book Stardust after watching the movie online :) I thought the movie was pretty good so do catch it if you're free! The story plot in the book is much more detailed I guess, but I haven't really gone past the beginning of the book so I can't really comment on the book lol.
But I'm really a huge sucker for spoilers, so I read the ending and realised Tristian died and Yvaine continued ruling the kingdom of Stronghold ): He died! In the movie they both used the Babylon candle to be stars forever and ever and all that. Booo. Ah well.
I'm in the whole love thing mode right now, especially after reading a particular guy's blog (I mentioned him in the other posts I think) again and after hearing the news of a special friend that just got attached. And how she got attached actually. Sweet as Fuji apples xD Anyway he's just a role model. And I'm guessing lots of other people don't know which is which and who is who I'm referring to lol.
OH YES EASTER DRAMA WAS FAB! It's a nice refreshing change to be part of the audience this time round and watch the rest of the dramatists perform :) And I've got pretty good seats near (or rather at) the front! I think what really touched me the most was the last scene where Silas was attempting to revive Carmen... the fatherly love, the helplessness, the hurt, the shock, the relief, the joy, it all really poured out. It was like he was going through a million different emotions and pulled it all off at the same time :)
And PTL seriously, I had a last minute confirmation from a friend and she's coming for the Easter service tmr :D I'm really glad and excited (I think Yun and Mag can testify for that HAHAHA) so I'm gonna pray that everything goes well. After all, I can't rely on my own strength when it is Him who had given me an opportunity to touch another's life :) It's really so amazing how God can open up doors that Man cannot shut in a quirky and funny way. A way that you can never imagine it happening. I'm really glad I'm serving a great GREAT BIG and extremely cool God that's alive!
I'm excited and my heart is jumping (when it talks I'll have superpowers) so I'm off for QT and then bed!
xoxo, k.
Thursday, April 09, 2009;
11:15 PM
I realised I haven't been blogging since Tuesday HULAHUALAHULAHOOPSHAHAHA :D
Anyway been out with my mom and sister today to shopppppp so now I have lots of lovely clothes, acessories, BOOKS and very tired feet :) It's friday tmr! TGIF especially since tmr is good friday :D Can't wait for service and the fab drama productions... shall blog about it tmr (if I do have the time xD)
Okay see you all around sometime. Hahaha
xoxo, k.
Tuesday, April 07, 2009;
12:19 AM
Pictures for museum trip are super hugeeeee and is taking a long time to upload them on blogger!
I'm hooked on this song again :) Somehow it never fails to get me up on my feet again and motivates me to do what I gotta do... I think I'm going to rely on this song a lot more in the next 3 years in SIDM. Hahahaha
Dare You To Move - SwitchfootWelcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next
What happens next
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up by the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move like today never happened
Today never happened before
Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are are
And who you could be
Between how it is
And how it should be
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up by the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move like today never happened
Today never happened
Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself
Where you gonna go
Where you gonna go
Salvation is here
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up by the floor
To lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move like today never happened
Like today never happened
Like today never happened before
----
Okay pictures are up~ (: A few posts ago I was talking about a really fab room I saw at the Singapore Musuem... If I have the money when I grow up, I would definitely built my house in this manner!
A large room like this with curtains and wooden floor, plus swing out windows! And the ceiling has spotlights for lights instead of the ugly circular kinds... exactly my type :D
It'll have a winding staircase like this (only bigger and wider) to go up to the second level of my house! (: Lizzie and I decided how many levels we want our house to have... I want a 3 levels 1 basement 1 rooftop house while she wants a 4 levels 2 basement house LOL. Think big dream big okayyyy. Who says dreams don't come true :D
I love this pretty design on the railings... I think it'll be cool if I had them too :)
Not forgetting a display of cups are saucers (or any other antique thing encased in glass) hanging from the wall...
And beautiful vintage swing-out windows with long white semi-transperant curtains!!
I want a huge bed too, lots of mirrors, sliding doors, spotlight lamps, comfy soft sofas, a garden!, a swing and carpet grass on the rooftop, rattan sofas and covered shelter plus a teatable up there and a nice open space to fly my kite...
I think I would have to marry an extremely rich guy. (I hope so! HAHAHA) It's possible to actually achieve all these, one of my mom's clients had a house like this when we visited during CNY... It was absolute fabness I tell you.
I love all the artsy stuff. Musuems are a really great place to go... hopefully Mag will be able go with meeee next time and we can take lots of pictures :D YAYYYY
Anyway. I realised that time passes, people that went their separate ways and were once close to you grows further away. You don't see them as much, they don't see you as much... and then conversation fades off completely. That kinda sucks ): Okay well i'm off to sleep. nightsssss
Between who you are and who you should be
Between how it is and how it should be
I dare you to lift yourself up off by the floor...
xoxo, k.
Monday, April 06, 2009;
12:14 PM
Because I know that even the one that is supposed to be the closest to me doesn't give a rat's ass about
family. I don't have to prove myself to them or be someone who I'm not. If I'm not in, then I'm not. I'm not some person that thrives on how they look on the outside. I'm not someone that cares about my weight... if I did I would have exercised myself to the point I'm actually thin. But that's just it. I don't care about my outside looks like how
she would.
If you don't know what I want in life then you're not someone I qualify to be close to me in the first plae. Even if you're
family. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks, so go on and spew your vulgarities. Go on and spew your ugly words. It won't make you any better... But *I* know that looks aren't the ones that God is going to look at when we all get raptured up to the sky.
I don't care if I'm not accepted to DM, I don't care if I'm not performing in Easter, I don't care 'cause I've learnt to let go of it a long time ago. Your intentions might be good in the first place, but as of now, you turned it into a weapon. I don't want something like that so you can just take it back.
So what if someone said something about me that I'm not? I don't care. Sure, I get upset at first, but then whatever happened in the past IS in the past. I gave up caring about what
he said. I'm not here to please everyone. I don't care if you don't like me and say it behind my back. If you got a problem, say it straight to my face. Like Elizabeth. She'll tell me what she doesn't like about me straight to my face and that helps me to change and grow. Just being a TAKER
like some people and saying whatever they want to make themselves feel more superior and be a WINNER isn't something I care about.
I gave up being in DM a long time ago. It doesn't affect me anymore in the long run.
If you think you can use that against me, think about it again
devil. It's that thing in you that I hate, not you yourself. So realize it and get it out.
I know what *I* want now. I know what I have to do now. Anyone that doesn't know can just get out of my sight before they start critisizing who I am and who I want to be.
xoxo, k.
Sunday, April 05, 2009;
12:07 AM
I wish I could be somebody else
I wish I can see you in myself
Okay I'm finally blogging about SIDM's orientation :)
DA02! They are all absolutely fab people. I remembered we were all quiet on the first day and didn't really talked to one another (except for the smiles when our eyes connected), but I'm glad that by the end of the 3rd day everyone was joking around :D I can name everyone in my group! HAHAHAHA. Thank God I got voted as A.IC, I wanted to be one after Rachel talked to me about it but totally didn't dare to volunteer la xD With God's strength and wisdom I shall be a really great A.IC that serves others with excellence!
Da02 is really a bunch of really talented people. 3/4 of them took O level Art! And I'm like a Science student in an art-based class -_- My drawings are like total crap compared to theirs... Mine's like primary school art! When we had to do storyboarding in 10 panels on the 2nd day in an hr and a half, I thought mine was pretty cool until I saw Tiffany's and Kai Yang's drawings... then I went like 'SHIT. How am I gonna survive.' ): And then their scrapbooks having absolutely perfect drawings, and mine's like kiddish. Boo hoo.
So during one of the lectures Ms Grace was talking about passion and all that stuff for the course... And it got me thinking if I would really want to spend my 3 yrs in Animation :/ I mean like, I have to draw 24 frames just for a second! It's not like I hate drawing or anything, I just don't particularly love it as much as the rest of the people in DA02. I'm like the okay person... in between like and dislike. If someone asks me to draw I would, if someone asks me to practice I would. Just that I don't know if being
okay is enough passion to get thru the 3 years.
I always thought I'm the JC kid, going to PJC to study and mug for the Art subjects like Lit Hist etc for 2 years :/ Then a bomb hit me on the 12th of Jan and my life came crashing down and the sky fell and all that (HAHA dramatic much) and then another bomb hit me on the 28th of Feb when the JAE results came out. I mean, why can't the course co-ordinators freakin' look at my EL grade instead of the COP!!! And then I ended up in animation which I had NO IDEA what I'm supposed to do in there :/
But well obviously it's too late for regrets blah blah blah and all the other I -should-have-worked-hard shit... I'm just questioning myself now if I can bear to give up writing and Journalism and my languages for the sake of drawing, animating etcetc.
You'll never change your life until
you change something you do daily.
Writing isn't something I can just let go like that... I'm just really praying I'll survive and excel, have at least a GPA above 3 and be A.IC for the next 3 years or smth. I guess I just have to change my mindset of not totally loving drawing to being someone that loves to draw. It all starts in the mind after all. I want to pray daily and seriously cast all the negative thoughts from my mind.
Changing something I do daily... that shall be my mindset :) I'll still continue writing! Won't give up~
Okay well it has been a pretty long post so I shall blog about my day to the Singapore Art Museum another day when I get the pictures from Mag! And prayer meeting tmr! Finally I can make it in the morning :) Yoshhhh Okay nights!
xoxo, k.
Friday, April 03, 2009;
11:32 PM
Let go and let God.
xoxo, k.
